Death

"Where, O death, is your sting?" (1 Corinthians 15:55)

This came up my mind a few times in the past few weeks. I guess it's because I've been hearing about deaths lately - death of a cousin in late March, death of my grandmother couple weeks ago, and hearing the news of the possibility of a life threatening illness of my mother last week.

The death of my cousin made me think about death. But it was that Sunday when Pastor Russell described a young person's funeral he conducted the previous day that puts my train of thoughts on the roll...What will happen in my funeral? Who will be present? Will my friends be too busy to come? Will they find it too expensive to come? (thinking about all my overseas friends) How will they remember me? Will my life mean anything to anyone? and so it goes.

I was sharing this with my small group that week and people were just laughing at my premature thoughts of death. Ironically, 2 weeks later we were all forced to think about death in light of our Christianity as we progressed in our bible study series of Psalms to Psalm 90.

When I was in my early 20s, I thought living life to 40 is enough for me. I hate to see myself getting old and weak and unable to do anything. There were times in my life that I wish for God to take me. I remembered one day when I was driving home after Uni. On that long and quiet road to home looking at the setting sun, I quietly whispered to God to take me home. But I'm still here! So obviously God's saying, "I'm not done with you yet."

I was joking with a girlfriend the other day saying that I can die now. And in response to that, my husband was telling people that I'm too lazy to live. Come to think of it, that's a good way of putting it. I mean, there's so much to do here on earth and I'm never going to finish it. Why labour so intensely when I could enjoy the comfort of heaven watching people work down here? This, of course, as I come to realise has nothing wrong if I'm living for myself. But if my life has a greater purpose as God intended, then retreating from God's team is saying that "I" and not "God" is in control of my destiny.

I've also learnt that genuinely wanting Jesus to come again because of our desire to see God's kingdom come is a worthy call. But if the motive for wanting to be with Jesus is to escape from this world, then it is selfishness.

Understanding my role in God's creation and his kingdom helps me to enjoy life according to his design. For me, my focus and my priority now is to live for and in the will of God. It'd be a great privilege to be used by Him for his glory and be a blessing to others.

This reminds me of an afternoon a year or two ago when I was pleasantly surprised to receive an email from a long lost friend. We met in our church in Japan. The church has a welcoming corner where most of us hang out after the service to meet new people and chat with others. I remembered him, a very quiet American working on the base there, sometimes stand there looking a bit lonely. I used to go up and befriend him whenever I see him. Soon after, I left Japan and lost contact.

10 years later, he found me on the internet and emailed me. He recounted his stay in Japan and how I was a friend to him during a difficult period of his life. That was a revelation to me because I never had any inkling that he was going through a hard time, I was just trying to be friendly. But it really moved me to know that I've made a difference as small as it is to someone, that God has seen me fit to use me for his purpose, that I could be a blessing to others.

And that is how I see my life in light of death. I'm here for a reason, and as God's vessel to contribute and be a channel of blessing to the people that he has placed in my life. At the end, the only reward that I wish is to hear my Father saying, "Well done, my child."